I'm updating w/o being asked, are you shocked?? ;)

This morning I ran into someone I haven't seen in ages. She asked me if I'd lost weight, (i said it'd been ages!) I told her ya, over 100lbs (106 to be exact) She asked me if I'd had bariatric, I said nope, just hard work.
"Really!? Wow!" She says, "I'm getting bariatric on Monday."
"Oh really?" I say.
"Ya, I'm caving."
We were in a line of people exiting a building so we couldn't have a real conversation. I responded by telling her I'd pray for her, and that what she was doing wasn't easy.

I have worked REALLY, REALLY hard to get where I am with my weight. I am STILL working hard. I still have weight to loose, and am thankfully starting to loose again. What I am learning thru this incredible (incredibly looong) journey is that it's a very personal thing, not only emotionally, but also physically. What works for one person, doesn't always work for another. I have had 100 people tell me this and that and it doesn't always work. Peoples bodies aren't the same.

Also, it is just that, a journey. It has taken me 2 years to get where I am. I had visions of it only taking me 1 more year to loose the other 100 lbs. That isn't going to happen. The 1st 100 came off rather quickly for whatever reason. I have no clue. This time around my body is completely different and it seems to want different things.

Bariatric was not for me. I have had 4 surgeries, I didn't want anyone cutting me open for any reason that I could prevent. I did read about it. I went to a meeting about the lapband years ago. The thing is, you have to loose a certain amount of weight to even get the surgery, then you have to learn to eat right after it's done. So, I figured, if I can eat right b4 and after having it, then why have it?? PLUS, people die from bariatric. I have a friend whose neighbor bled to death from a complication after having it. I've also seen people have it, loose weight, but not change the way they live, and gain the weight back. I just KNEW that if I was going to loose weight, I had to change my whole life. BUT, that is just me. I never want people to think that I judge them for their decisions. Bariatric isn't a picnic. I will pray for her, and wish her the best.

mama, doula, girl:)

So today I write a little bit of all. Mama, doula and girl stuff.

We'll start with the mama part. I have been wanting to go see Inception SO BAD!! Part of it was just me wanting to get o/o the house...Scott has homework, I have a few $, we have a cheap theater with decent movies this time around. What more could a girl ask for?? Except that lately none of my friends could go. I typically go to the late show so I can put the kids to bed, Scott can work on homework. I bother no one by going. I've tried for 2 weeks to get a girlfriend to go. Nada. I am SO bummed. Finally, last night I manage a babysitter and Scott and I go. Which is great, not that I never wanted to go with him, but like I said, he has homework. Plus if he goes, it costs us 2x as much. So we go, it was a great flick, he enjoyed it also. But we had this conversation that didn't go so well. He complains about all the time that the family asked of him this week, and the weekend. We did do a lot this weekend, Idk what he was talking about during the week. I tell him, why did you come then? You should have stayed home and did homework. "I came to be with you!" Ok, I'm thinking, I don't say, but if you're stressed out and not happy about it, I don't want you here.

So, I resign myself to single mom-mode. I won't ask for his help. I won't ask for him. I know this isn't the right attitude. But right now I am having a really hard time balancing the line between supporting him and keeping my own sanity. I felt so rejected when he complained about all the time we had asked of him. But I understand that he needs time to do homework. I also understand that he has SO much on his shoulders, but right now, I don't know how to help him bear it. I feel like what I am bearing is almost too much for me.

It's interesting b/c my cousin is in school full time, working I think full time as well. So when we walk together she get's to hear it from the other end, and so do I. It's hard on all of us. The 1st few sessions were ok, this one has been really rough for whatever reason. The other ones seemed to go by rather quickly and then we were in a much needed break, this one, not so much.

On the doula side of things, I have an appt this week with a possible client:) I am a back up for a friend of mine, both paying (yippee!!) I don't know if I have told you about how much volunteer work I've done lately... it's nice to get paid!

And while we're on the birthy side of things... congrats to my awesome friend Jenn who gave birth in her dinning room, in water. Her 2cd hbac:) She is the most amazing of mothers and birthers! The coolest thing happened, I dreamt the night that she gave birth that I had a baby in her living room. About the same time that she was having a baby in her dinning room.

And on the girl front, I did another 5k:) I'm really proud of myself. This one I actually ran. I took approx 7 minutes off my time from the 1st one. I run in intervals. It's really good for you:) Right now my intervals are 90 sec of running and 2.5 minutes of walking. This run meant a lot to me b/c I did it by myself and b/c it was the 1st one that I ran. I will do the Thanksgiving 5k this year again too, here's hoping I weigh less by then and that I am faster! I have been stuck at this weight for over 2 months. I am really frustrated by it and have heard every ones advice, none of which works. But I won't go there..

weight loss 101;)

well, i did it:) 101lbs. can't believe it.
today i jogged for the 1st time in my life. at one point i had a very sureal moment. i was thinking i can't believe i'm jogging. i can't believe i've lost 101 lbs. i can't believe how healthy i am, how much i've accomplished. i laughed at myself lol!

thanks to everyone who keeps routing me on!! you mean the world to me!!

Weigh-day didn't go as well as I would like it to. I lost another 2lbs. That put's me at 98, still not at my 100. I know, I know, that I know. But I want that 100 SO BAD!!! Maybe that's why it's taking me so long to get there. I will be honest and tell you I was pretty depressed yesterday. Didn't matter what anyone said to me, I didn't get what I wanted, lol. Still makes no sense, why is it one time a 7 lb loss and another time only 2, when I do and eat almost the exact same things?? The only thing I can say for yesterday, is that it is that precious time of the month. But it wasn't 2 weeks ago when I had a 2 lb loss.

I will keep trudging on. I have to, I have so far to go still! Even if I only loose it 2 lbs at a time, I'm still getting healthier and healthier. I walked 4 miles the other day, I've never done that before. I have this unofficial goal in my head. You know one of those things that someone says that just get's in you somehow and settles?? I was walking Wednesday and happened to see an acquaintance who told me the distance of this area I have been walking, only farther, it's 6 miles. I want that. I know I can do that. But, 3 miles still hurts sometimes. So, something I need to work up to.

Something cool that happened, I had to buy all new summer clothes this year, b/c everything from last year was too big:) In that process, one of my new shirts was ruined in the wash. (we won't go into how....) so I went to replace it and ended up buying a whole size smaller than even the one I just bought a month ago:)

Ok, it's good to set goals right?? So, next week, if I have hit my weight goal, I'm going to start lifting weights 2 days a week again. When I started walking, for whatever reason, I quit the weights. I think b/c I just quit going down there to work out. But, weights should be part of the program, so I am going to get them in there again.

How much water do you drink? Or caffeine free liquid? I have been meeting my water intake. Even tho some days I feel like I'm fairly floating. I'm at 82 oz a day now. I was getting these dizzy spells, like every time I stood up, the whole room would spin, if I bent over, that type of thing. I mentioned them to a friend who is also a nurse and who knows what my lifestyle is like. She said, "oh, you're dehydrated." I said, "huh uh!" "How can a person who drinks 62 oz a day be dehydrated!?" She said it's not enough if I think about the amount of exercise I do, the fact I had that stomach bug, and I do still drink a couple of caffeinated beverages a day. She told me I need to add at least 2 more glasses. So, I begrudgingly took on her challenge. (grumble grumble...) The easiest way for me to get it down is to drink 2 32 oz bottles, then a 20 ouncer. Also 1 of the 32 oz is that tea mixture that I make. Anyhoo, the dizziness has gotten better.

Still not doing a great job getting in as much protein as I'm supposed to. I am doing better, but not great. Ah well, a little at a time right!?

well, i didn't make the 6lb loss for my 100. only 2. don't you wish there was some magic formula? what makes one 14 day period a 7 lb loss and another a 2lb loss?? i sure don't know. especially when i do so many of the same things. our bodies are such mysterious things. 4 more!!

almost there...

Well, I'm almost there. 6lbs away from loosing 100 lbs. I can hardly believe it. It will have taken me a year. Which is completely healthy. The loss really slowed down in the winter and has picked back up since I've been able to get outside and walk. I've also added some distance, protein and calories.

My body has changed so much. Sometimes I'll see things that surprise me. Like I'll just all of sudden notice that my hands look different. My fingers look longer. My wedding bands wiggle all over the place. Which is funny b/c I'm still not down to the weight I was when we got married.

Another thing that has caught me off guard is that I'm loosing hair. I guess it's normal. I'm trying to add more protein to my diet as that might help. But I've been told that it sometimes happens w/ weightloss. If anyone else has had this happen, I'd like to hear from you. When does it stop!? I could very well be bald by next year!

My kids and some friends have said they're planning a "100 party" for me whenever I get there. I'll letcha know when it is so you can come too;) (seriously, susan, you could come!)

in the doula chronicles...

had the most amazing birth on easter sunday!! which also happened to be my daughters bday:) i didn't get to see her till 4pm. i know that being a doula, it was inevitable that i'd miss something. we had celebrated her bday on friday. but i still felt a little bit bad about it. and i never got that chance to do what i usually do for at least a few minutes and sit and reflect on her birth at all. i did think about it a little in a few minutes of down time during the birth b/c we were at the same hospital, same day and all. but it wasn't the same. have a nice healthy mom and baby who are breastfeeding well tho!!

Ok, sorry. Been neglectful again. All is well. As well as can be. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. That was very difficult to go through. Still is.

If you'll notice, my girl has moved, a little. A normal, healthy 3 lbs. Getting closer to my goal:) Which, if I may remind you, b/c I have to constantly remind myself lately, will take me to my 100 lb loss:D I have to remind myself a lot lately b/c it seems to be happening so slowly now. But it's happening (keep telling myself that too!) so we're good. 100 lbs in a year isn't anything to complain about.

And, in the doula chronicles, I have 2 clients on deck:) 1 due in April and 1 in June. Very exciting. I met another doula at panera last night. That is so much fun. I'm getting better at it. I don't always like meeting new people, but lately, I'm feeling more confident, less nervous. She was great, we have a lot in common. She also homeschools.

Guess those are all my updates. If you're interested, watch for my girl to move, or not, on Friday:)

So, I work my bum off, or try to that is, for 2 weeks, loose 1 lb. Get ticked off and a little lazy, only exercise maybe 4 times at the most, eat more and 9 days later I've lost 2 lbs. What!? idontgetit.

Here's what I've come up w/. I think I had slowed my metabolism down b/c I was skipping that midmorning snack being too busy. I wasn't giving myself enough calories for the amount of exercising I had been doing. So, I need to add some calories, no idea how many, I'm going for about 100. And back to eating about every 2 hours.

anyhoo, that's all i got

how you guys feeling about haiti??

ughh.

Well we have another loss. A small one at that. And I have to admit that I'm frustrated and discouraged. I know all the facts, I could plateau, altho from what I know about that, I don't' see how that could happen, I add to my cardio, I've added weights to my regimen and I don't do the same thing every day. But I've had at least 100 people tell me that since April, so I know it could, (said dripping w/ sarcasm).

I also know that since I've added weights, muscle weighs more than lbs. what I don't' get is that I'm still doing like 25-30 minutes of cardio a day, how am I not still loosing?? I guess I'm just impatient. I only started the weights about a week ago. Which doesn't make me feel any better b/c that still says to me that I only lost 1 lb in 2 weeks. 2 lbs in one month. I'm ticked. I worked really hard the last 2 weeks. I guess there are a few possibilities, that I have gained muscle, that b/c I am working o/ more, I need more calories, which is scary, that I just need to be patient and let my body catch up w/ me. I feel like that girl on biggest looser last night who said she was the last one in the gym at night and the 1st one in the morning and she only lost 4 lbs.

So be patient w/ me please and let me vent. And don't worry, I have come too far and have too far to go to give up.

Merry Christmas and such!!

So, it's been too long. I think about posting all the time, and never take the time to do it.

1st, a Happy Birthday to my awesome friend Susan tomorrow!! Luv ya and hope to see you soon and celebrate together!!

This is gonna be a little bit of nothing post too. But, how do you like my little ticker?? isn't she cute?? That is totally me too, only not on skates, I'd be flat on my bum. not that coordinated. But I rock o/ to my mp3 player on the elliptical and am a pretty fast walker these days:) She'll change as my goals change, they are a little at a time you know?? I met the 1st one, and am on my way to the 2cd then will come another, and another till I get to my long term...

Hope your holidays are going well so far! I've been to 3 Christmas parties so far already. And have 3 to go I think. We're having Christmas w/ my mom and the inlaws here this year. Which is a 2cd, but I'm actually cooking. So we'll see..... I do feel good about taking the burden off of my mil after her health issues this past year. Let's just hope I do the food justice!

So, with that, Merry Christmas!!

..and a side order of breasts please?

I went shopping last night. I got an unexpected check in the mail and dh and I agreed that I should use it to get a couple more pieces of clothes. It's a hard call when you know you're going to eventually outgrow them again. But I think I made good choices. Got to go w/ my bff and we had a good time. So, now I have a couple cute pairs of jeans, 4 shirts, and 1 pair of dress pants that fit just right. It's kind of like shopping for maternity clothes, you know you're only going to be in this place for a temporary period.

Anyhoo, A couple of the shirts I tried on, made very plain the fact that at least 10 of the lbs I've lost, have come from my boobs. The shirts would be much cuter on someone who still had breasts. Ronnie said I need a wonder bra. I was never really well endowed, but now, it's just sad. really. I never thought I'd be one of those woman who bought the bras w/ the padding in them. Now, I'll be 1st in line! That is the next thing on the list, new bras, complete w/ whatever it takes to make me at least appear to have breasts again.

As we were leaving the store I noticed a cute sweater on a manikin. I told Ronnie, "now if I could just get that sweater, and those boobs."

I bought a new pair of jeans to day. For the 1st time in like, 2 years. It was so exciting. From what I can tell, they're 3 sizes smaller than my old jeans. Could be 4, but we'll go w/ 3. You know how weird sizing can be. And, they're a brand that caters to big girls, so they're made especially for my pair shaped self, who has most of my junk, in the trunk;0) ah, finally, a company that sees that most of america is plus sized... *sighs w/ contentment*

and in the doula chronicles, i ask for your help.
I need to write a tiny little statement about myself for a pamphlet that will set me apart from every other doula in the area. WHAT SHOULD I WRITE!? I was thinking about advertising the fact that I teach a Christian childbirth class. I dunno. But, it has to be short, tiny. Teensy weensy.

Ok, something that sucks about loosing weight, not having clothes that fit! I have one shirt and one pair of pants that fit. That's it. Even my undies are loose. They don't count b/c ya can't see them. Thank God my bday and Christmas are coming up. Everyone who has asked me what I want, I tell them money, I need new clothes!

Yes, I know, this is a good problem to have. And at 1st, it was fun to have loose clothes. Something I've never had a problem w/, lol. But now, I just feel frumpy all the time. The one out fit that I do have is kind of dressy, so I don't wear it often. When I wore it recently one of my friends commented on how nice it looked. She said, "it looked like it fit. Everything I've seen you in recently has been so big on you."

It's so close to Christmas, and my bday. And both vehicles are in my name. Which is where all our extra money is going. I just don't have it in the budget to pick anything new up for myself you know? Plus, I'm still a plus sized girl, and plus sized clothes are more expensive. It's rough! I don't wanna complain, please understand. And, I know, I got myself into this mess. I will never blame my weight on anyone. I ate myself to where I am. But this is my blog, and I'm allowed to whine now and then right??

On the other hand, I can tell you something I am SUPER thankful for!! I was saving some money for a new pair of walking shoes. The pair I've been using I've had for 6 months now. And are just plane wore out! Anyhoo, I have this friend who is the master of knowledge of where the deals are. So I asked her where is the best place to get good shoes, GOOD shoes. She asked me what size I wore, we happen to wear the same size:) And she just bought a pair that are a little too loose. I tried them on and so for so good. Gonna wear them out of the house today. Hoping, if they work, I'll get to spend some of that on a pair of pants or somthin!!

little of this, little of that..

Something that took me by surprise in all this was how many people have said that I have inspired them to do something. B4 I made a decision to get healthy I was never inspired by people when I saw them loosing weight. I would tell them great job or whatever. But I never felt inspired. I felt guilty and crappy. I knew I should be doing something about myself and I wasn't. I've met a couple people like that, I can see it their eyes. I know b/c I've been there. But like I said, it's something that has to happen in a persons own heart.

And for today, a little snippet of something else I love....Monday night I was called in to labor w/ a most awesome mama :0) who birthed a most adorable 7lb 15oz little man Tuesday morning...more of her story coming soon:)

my weightloss journey...

I didn't talk about it for awhile Probably the 1st month. I emailed my friend. And walked w/ my partner, and of course, there was the dh. But I didn't really mention it to any one else. I have failed at this so many times b4. Why talk about it to any one this time?? What if this time isn't different?? I had to go back to the doc for a check up or some thing in 2 weeks, and of course, they want to weigh you, and I had lost 4 lbs. I was impressed. Then I had to go back again in 2 weeks, and I had lost 8 lbs. I was really impressed. 12 lbs!? When was the last time I had done that?? Probly when I was pregnant and puking, lol!

I figured I was on the right track w/ what I was doing. It was at that point that I had no more doc appts, and just asked if I could come back and get weighed. They were more than happy to oblige me.

A little more on the water. Yes, I do go more often than most people. But, it's a good thing, b/c your body has a lot of toxins in it. Drinking water flushes them out. I like to think about that when I go, I'm getting bad stuff o/o my body. Also, dehydration causes headaches, getting more water can get rid of some of those. I know that sometimes in my own kids when they complain of headaches, the 1st thing I do is ask them how much they've drank that day. I do get tired of water. It's then that I drink more of my own little concoction. I'ts just green tea w/ lemon. I sweeten it w/ stevia. But it's calorie free, caffeine free, so it won't dehydrate me, and it's still doing the same thing water was. Also, you can just pop in those little crystal light things into your bottles of water if you like. I try to stay away from aspartame and that though. (altho not always, i am still slightly addicted to diet dr. pepper, but that's a whole other post....)

And ya, sometimes 1500 calories a day just sucks. But I look at what I want my end result to be. And I can't get that any other way. Yes, I screw up sometimes. And in the beginning I beat myself up bad about it. I was so sure that b/c of the one time I ate a little too much, or went o/ to dinner the next time I got weighed I wasn't going to have lost anything. Which of course wasn't the case. If you screw up, you move on to the next day. Or the afternoon, or the evening.

At least that's what I do, on my journey....

more of my journey..

As I said, that day I went home and was feeling rather introspective. I started thinking about how I wanted to do this. What I had heard other people say they had done to loose weight. What I thought would be doable for me.

I had one friend who had said he had lost about 40 lbs just by drinking a LOT of water. I figured, how hard could drinking water be? I knew it was good for you, I'd start there. I drink about 64 oz of water a day. And when I don't, I don't feel right. My skin looks great also:) I get less headaches, all around, water is my friend. Yes, I peed ALOT at 1st, but people kept saying, hang in there, it'll get better after a week or so, and it did.

Walking. I knew I needed to start walking. It just so happened that I lived 2 blocks from a great park. So, the kids could play, I could walk around the park, like laps. I'm not sure how I got my walking partner, but I'm SO thankful I had her for as long as I did. We walked EVERYDAY for probably 2 months. Then we moved and school started and I lost her, boo:( But by that time I was/am much more disciplined in myself to do it on my own. Altho, I still have days, that I get depressed and sad if I don't have someone to go w/ me, so I don't go. (I can't believe how honest I am w/ you guys!) I had a pedometer, and figured o/ how many times around the park was a mile and then we added to it once a month till we were up to 2 miles. Which, I gotta tell ya, sucked in the summer time!

Then I added the counting calories. I asked my friend how many I could have and loose weight. She said she ate 1500 calories a day. I thought that sounded strict, I was thinking more like 1800-2000. But w/ in 2 weeks, I was down to 1500, and I hardly even realized it. She hooked me up w/ fitday.com and I started plugging my numbers in there. I could also look up foods I didn't know on there. I set my 1st There's tons of cool stuff on there. I'm not so dependant on it now. But it was very helpful in the beginning. I do find myself going back when I feel like I've been lazy and am eating too much or something tho.

I know there are different ways, but like I said, this is my journey..and what has worked for me...and that goal that I mentioned?? was 60 lbs by Christmas. I passed that goal a week ago=0)

my journey..

I haven't written about this on here at all, tho most of you are FBer's and know anyway. But I've been on a journey for a while now. I think I'd like to start at the beginning.

I went to the dr. on April 29th for some stuff. A whole bunch of stuff, lol. I had a BIG list! Nothing serious, just things that I had been wanting to talk to her about. But you know, the dreaded scale was coming. And when I saw the number, it was shocking, even to me. We don't have a scale here, thankfully. And something just clicked in me. I just told myself, I have to do something about this. I have to change now.

I talked to the dr. about it a little bit, but I didn't really want to talk to her, or anyone else at that time. I was feeling introspective.

That's when it all started for me. April 29th. Something inside me changed. I had a dr. ask me what inspired me to do it now? He thought my kids, or my husband. I said, no. It was just something in me. It has to happen inside a persons own heart, inside their own self. Otherwise, at least for me, it's not going to work, or it's going to be temporary.

That's the beginning. I have much to tell. I'll write a little at a time. The other day I called another friend who has recently lost over 100 lbs, I needed encouragement. She said it's a journey. I really like that. Journeys take time, they have hills and valleys and adventures:) This is definitely my journey.