Tomorrow and Friday I go to the memorial and funeral of an 8 year old. Dear Jesus help. I met this family thru the nonprofit that I volunteer for. The last few days I have thought to myself, I didn't sign up for this pain. I signed up to be around pregnant mamas and babies, to help young, underprivileged mothers learn how to birth and take care of their children, to doula for those who can't afford it otherwise. Not to get attached to families and then loose them. This hurts too much.

But I'm thankful for the time I've had with them. And the future I hope to still have with them. I hope to somehow ease their pain, even if in the slightest way. Altho I don't know how anyone can ease the pain of the loss of a child. God it hurts. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that they're going through.

it's almost over cancer.
i hope you're happy.
but you don't really get him.
you may get his sick little body that you've been eating away at for 3 years, but Jesus get's his spirit.
and then, he'll be well, and whole, and have no more pain. no more fighting.
we will miss him. his family will mourn.
and then, we will fight some more, but he won't have to.

cancer, will your appetite never be satisfied?
will you continue to devour and destroy the lives of the innocent and loved??
my heart aches, my body aches for the pain that others are going thru b/c of you.

will always hate you
will always fight you
will always support those who rage against you with their research and their tests and their blood draws, and their chemo, and their radiation, and their swollen bodies, and their bald heads.
will always pray.