Monday, August 2, 2010

mama, doula, girl:)

So today I write a little bit of all. Mama, doula and girl stuff.

We'll start with the mama part. I have been wanting to go see Inception SO BAD!! Part of it was just me wanting to get o/o the house...Scott has homework, I have a few $, we have a cheap theater with decent movies this time around. What more could a girl ask for?? Except that lately none of my friends could go. I typically go to the late show so I can put the kids to bed, Scott can work on homework. I bother no one by going. I've tried for 2 weeks to get a girlfriend to go. Nada. I am SO bummed. Finally, last night I manage a babysitter and Scott and I go. Which is great, not that I never wanted to go with him, but like I said, he has homework. Plus if he goes, it costs us 2x as much. So we go, it was a great flick, he enjoyed it also. But we had this conversation that didn't go so well. He complains about all the time that the family asked of him this week, and the weekend. We did do a lot this weekend, Idk what he was talking about during the week. I tell him, why did you come then? You should have stayed home and did homework. "I came to be with you!" Ok, I'm thinking, I don't say, but if you're stressed out and not happy about it, I don't want you here.

So, I resign myself to single mom-mode. I won't ask for his help. I won't ask for him. I know this isn't the right attitude. But right now I am having a really hard time balancing the line between supporting him and keeping my own sanity. I felt so rejected when he complained about all the time we had asked of him. But I understand that he needs time to do homework. I also understand that he has SO much on his shoulders, but right now, I don't know how to help him bear it. I feel like what I am bearing is almost too much for me.

It's interesting b/c my cousin is in school full time, working I think full time as well. So when we walk together she get's to hear it from the other end, and so do I. It's hard on all of us. The 1st few sessions were ok, this one has been really rough for whatever reason. The other ones seemed to go by rather quickly and then we were in a much needed break, this one, not so much.

On the doula side of things, I have an appt this week with a possible client:) I am a back up for a friend of mine, both paying (yippee!!) I don't know if I have told you about how much volunteer work I've done lately... it's nice to get paid!

And while we're on the birthy side of things... congrats to my awesome friend Jenn who gave birth in her dinning room, in water. Her 2cd hbac:) She is the most amazing of mothers and birthers! The coolest thing happened, I dreamt the night that she gave birth that I had a baby in her living room. About the same time that she was having a baby in her dinning room.

And on the girl front, I did another 5k:) I'm really proud of myself. This one I actually ran. I took approx 7 minutes off my time from the 1st one. I run in intervals. It's really good for you:) Right now my intervals are 90 sec of running and 2.5 minutes of walking. This run meant a lot to me b/c I did it by myself and b/c it was the 1st one that I ran. I will do the Thanksgiving 5k this year again too, here's hoping I weigh less by then and that I am faster! I have been stuck at this weight for over 2 months. I am really frustrated by it and have heard every ones advice, none of which works. But I won't go there..


  1. Sorry to hear that Scott is so overwhelmed that you are getting overwhelmed. :( Why weren't you present at Jenn's birth?

    And good for you with the running thing. I have always tried to take up running, but I'm just not built for it. lol Even when I was a little kid I wasn't a runner.

  2. She lives too far away:) Otherwise I'da been there! And thanx! Running is something I've always wanted to do, but never thought I could. Even a couple of months ago, but my friend showed me how to it was possible with this interval system. I started out a little differently and built up to what I am at now. ~Kris

  3. It will get easier having DH busy with work and school, you'll still have your moments, but it will get easier. What I do is expect to do everything alone and if he happens to be available, its a special treat... remember, this is just for a season!
    Great job on the run, I'm so proud of you!!!!

  4. if it's any consolation, I wanted to go....I just had other commitments....sorry, pub!

  5. Congrats on the run. Try not to stress about the lack of weight loss - you know I hit a plateau at Christmas, and the loss only started again last week. I have no idea what I did that was different. You have lost a lot more than me, I guess your body is just adjusting.